Writing With Hope

Rage-Aholics: Got some in your life?

Posted on May 18, 2014 Updated on June 5, 2014

Have you ever dealt with an angry person? Usually, angry people tend to have a track record. They’re the types that have gotten in to arguments with just about everyone in their life. If you ask them, it’s somehow the other person’s fault. If they haven’t gotten into an argument with anyone in their personal or professional circle, they’ll seek an altercation with the mail man or someone at the grocery store or someone in the parking lot. They’ll find someone to argue with because these people are hyper confrontational and critical in nature.

I’m not talking about being lectured by a parent; I’m talking about the angry person who walks around life with a magnifying glass. When they’re at a restaurant, they’ll find something about the food they don’t like and they’ll ask for it to be taken back. If they order food, their order is complicated. Filled with substitutes, the dressing on the side please. No this or no that because I don’t like it. They make Miranda Priestley’s (played by Meryl Streep) character in Devil Wears Prada, look like an angel.

Angry people don’t have to be Adam Sandler in, well, most of his movies. Sandler loves to play a funny rage-aholic and usually tends to play the same character in just about all of his films. Like Sandler, there are some people who claim they’re playing a new role in their life but, give it time and you find out that they’re playing the same angry, critical character just in a different costume.

The angry critic tends to not realize one very important fact, that everything they ever complain about, get angry about and scrutinize over is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Those who treat others poorly cannot love themselves or even respect themselves, as they unknowingly take out their personal insecurities on others.

The opposite of anger is love. The opposite of criticism is praise. One cannot praise unless they have love in their heart and in their soul. An angry, critical and volatile person who is quick to get into arguments with everyone around them is nothing more than a titanic ball of negativity. They are very good at putting on costumes and disguises to temporarily appease the world and those infected by them. That’s how people get in to relationships with abusive people; their power of persuasion is lethally potent. Eventually though, the big black hole in their soul sucks everyone around them in it, if you stand too close. They tend to not have that many close friends and if they do, they’re very good at putting on a good “dog and pony show” for them. But, when around those closest to them or around a personality that might trigger their true nature, their disguise is off and their authentic colors come blazing out.

The rager tends to be an extremely insecure individual. They may have the right looks, the perfect body and plenty of money. Or maybe they don’t. Either way, it’s not always lack of esthetics, monetary or external qualities that cause these insecurities. They are insecure for very personal reasons and therefore lack healthy communication skills. As a direct result, what is supposed to be a conversation, explanation or discussion ends up turning toxic and often volatile. Mr. or Ms. Fury might go as far as claiming to be a “happy individual.” But, they usually tend to have at least one or two things that temporarily sedate any negative emotion just so that they can fool themselves into thinking they are happy. They might use money, their looks, a hobby or a passion they have, and they might even turn to drugs or alcohol. Whatever their vice, they tend to use it as a rug under which they sweep the truth.

The reality is that deep down inside, they are not happy. It may not be their entire life, but a particular area of their lives that is not where they’d like it to be. Therefore, no matter how much they try to pretend it doesn’t exist and it doesn’t bother them, that dissatisfaction infects the rest of their life and oozes out of their pretentious pours. Sooner or later, their ugliness exposes itself.

One cannot consider himself/herself happy, full of joy, and content when anger or toxic negative energy is present. Like oil and water, darkness cannot exist where light is present, and that is not only a spiritual principle but also a scientific one. Things don’t always need to turn into a shouting match or be riddled with curse words and name-calling in order for the situation to be toxic. But, Mr. or Ms. Fury also has an arsenal of condescending remarks, underhanded comments, belittling choice of words, and they’re unafraid to throw you “under the bus” or embarrass you in front of others. This can be via in person or in an e-blast. I have personally run into these types of individuals in both professional and personal settings. I will not and do not put up with rage-aholics, and neither should you. Everyone deserves to be treated like an adult and have a civil conversation, if you are dealing with someone who cannot handle stress and is unable to talk to you without raising their voice. Don’t put up with it.

In professional settings, report these individuals through the proper chain of command. Do not let their behavior be dismissed. A healthy work environment is what everyone deserves, and no one should be made the company’s verbal punching bag.

In personal matters, as I wrote in a previous article, it doesn’t matter if the subject is a relative or close friend. If you’ve had repeated incidents with an individual who continues to be negative, pushy, even verbally assaulting you need to temporarily cut them out of your life. This is where you have to show a little “tough love.”

With professional and private matters you need to realize that enabling poor behavior actually harms the person that is doing it, because they never learn or change. In a professional setting unreported incidences actually harms the company, productivity, lowers morale and the bottom line. In both private and personal matters, everyone deserves to be treated with mutual respect.

If Mr. or Ms. Rager cannot handle stress without “going off” then he or she needs to seek professional help and get some anger management counseling along with taking a class or two on effective communication skills and techniques. Have as little contact with them as possible. And if you have to be around them, then think minimalism: professional, discreet, and speak only if you absolutely have to.

Hey, sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand and implement healthy boundaries. It’s not always about you; it’s rarely ever about you. Someone else’s insecurities, temper-tantrums, and unhappiness are not your story or your narrative. You do not need to take it or accept it. It’s not personal. It’s not your problem. It’s theirs. Don’t get sucked in to their black hole. Rise above it. Always remember, a cooler head always prevails.

Ask yourself how much do you love yourself? How much do you respect yourself? Do you want to be a doormat where everyone wipes their feet on you or do you think you deserve just a little more respect then that?