Mother’s Day: The Humble Responsibility of Mother

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Mother_s Day- What it takes to be a Mother
Taken By Hubby: Ariabella & I yesterday after seeing Sesame Street Live! So fun!

You don’t have to give birth to a child to be a mother. Plenty of women who cannot have kids are excellent mothers. They exude love and kindness and that motherly charm for friends, family, coworkers and even complete strangers. If one of these women adopt, they provide a warm, secure home.

But there also exist many women who do give birth to children who fall short of proper motherhood. Mother’s Day to some of us who didn’t have a very caring mother, can feel torn when the holiday rolls around.

To be a good mother, it requires much more than simply giving birth. You can be a biological parent and not actually be present or have the necessary skills to raise a child. Because, being a parent is hard work not just physically but mentally. Many people are physically able, but not mentally capable. Despite shortcomings, we do the best that we can even if our own parents disappointed us. And it isn’t until we are parents ourselves do we understand the challenges they faced. Parenting comes with an enormous amount of responsibility; you are in charge of another human life. Sometimes you feel guilty for not doing enough, because we want to be perfect. But, none of us are, of course.

Even if you had a challenging childhood, you can still choose how you live as an adult. If you don’t have a mother around anymore or you have one that didn’t give you what you needed as a child, then you can find it in yourself to give that nurture and support to yourself. If you do have a mother in your life, even if she wasn’t so perfect, then know that she likely did the best that she could at the time. It’s all any of us can do and none of us are without flaws.

Being a mother is a humbling experience and it’s the best challenge I’ve ever encountered in my life. I’ve learned a lot about selflessness and putting my daughter first. It’s an awesome responsibility to know that what you do or don’t do can affect this little human into their adulthood. You can be responsible for idiosyncrasies, hang-ups, obsessions, discipline or lack there of. In our hands as parents is the task to be a role model for our children, to set an example and lead by our action. One thing I know for certain is that the cliché “parenting doesn’t come with a handbook” is true. However, there are plenty of great books and resources out there that do help.

There are parenting classes we can take and experts that can help guide us. But, in the end, what kids need, and I’ve learned this from experience, is consistency. I didn’t have consistency in my home growing up and I have had a difficult childhood. This is putting it mildly. So, I decided to be a different parent. I decided to stop the negative cycle and I have. I also decided to give back. For 7 years I worked with abused kids who lived in group homes while going to film school at night. I was also a youth mentor for behaviorally challenged children and worked with a team of psychologists, social workers, and therapists. I learned a lot from those kids and learned a lot working in the nonprofit sector. I often worked 2 jobs and graveyard shifts to pay for school all on my own.

What I learned is that no matter how bad a parent is…kids still yearn to be with their parent(s). Inside, they have that yearning in their soul to have that unconditional love, that consistency of care. But, not everyone, as I learned, grew up with the best role models or examples of loving relationships. Still, we can choose to overwrite any toxic cycle that has been passed from generation to generation. We can choose to be the best example for our children.

If you do anything, show with your actions and not with your words what unconditional love is.

If there was one rule in motherhood, I’d say it would be to demonstrate your love by what you do and not just what you say because words come and go. From my former days working with group home kids and from personal experience, I can say that kids don’t forget. They’ll hold you to your words. As the saying goes, “talk is cheap.” Provide your child with a stable, loving home one without toxic strife and one without abuse or violence. This might sound like a given, but you’ll be surprised how many homes do have chaos. Parenting requires patience, discipline, and a sound mind. Most of all, it requires quality time spent with your children and ridding yourself of selfish tendencies.

I work full-time now, like many of you and many homes these days have 2 parents that work full-time. It’s not so much the quantity, as it is the quality. As long as you do what you say and lead by your actions, not merely your words, as long as you provide consistency and healthy boundaries with your children, then you set the stage for success. The child knows where you stand, they know that you mean what you say and they know the rules of the home. It doesn’t take much to lead children astray, but it doesn’t take much to turn a broken home into one that is fused with love.


The Bottom Line:

May you heal from your childhood if you had a terrible one. Every situation is different, so only you know where you stand with family. I like to say that there’s an exception to every rule…usually.

May you find gratitude if you had a wonderful upbringing. And may you forgive your parents for their imperfections, knowing Mom and Dad did the best they could at the time. And if they didn’t, or you still hold a grudge for past transgressions, let it go. Let it go in love. And on Sunday, if you can, tell your mother how much you appreciate her.




Madhur Bhandarkar



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27 thoughts on “Mother’s Day: The Humble Responsibility of Mother

    Brainy Versatility said:
    May 14, 2017 at 7:46 AM

    Reblogged this on Brainy Versatility.

    Liked by 2 people

    mudpilewood said:
    May 14, 2017 at 8:11 AM

    A great post, filled with a lot of comments full of common sense. I get the feeling that you love your job and role as a mum. I am a few (quite a few) years older and I agree that all children tend to want to be with their mums however I have known the opposite side of this coin. A rebellious child who turns their back on a parent who believes they are doing their best but the child disagrees, this leads to heartbreak for everyone and often it can be a lack of common sense that leaves this rift to exist. However this is rare and I have only witnessed it twice in all of my 50 + years.

    Liked by 2 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      May 14, 2017 at 9:27 AM

      I can understand completely. There’s always free will and often times rebellion is not a reflection on the mother or father. Sometimes, it’s just that the child who might be now a young adult has the learn the hard way. We often don’t see what people are trying to tell us until we learn from trial and unfortunately from the error of our ways. May you have a wonderful Mother’s Day! And than you so much for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️

      Like

    Ipuna Black said:
    May 14, 2017 at 8:38 AM

    Happe Mother’s Day! I agree that we need to forgive our mothers (if this is needed) and try to be the best mothers we can be. It’s best for our sanity and our children.

    Liked by 3 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      May 14, 2017 at 9:30 AM

      Forgiveness is the root of most solutions when it comes to matters of the heart. But it’s a personal journey and one that is a personal decision. Mother’s Day can often be a negative reminder for some. I suppose that’s why we can be grateful if we’ve had great role models in our life and those were our parents. Happy Mother’s Day!!! ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

        Ipuna Black said:
        May 14, 2017 at 1:30 PM

        Yes. Forgiveness is definitely a personal journey that takes active participation. Thank you! ❤️​

        Liked by 2 people

    YellowCable said:
    May 14, 2017 at 9:09 AM

    A wonderful writing about mother and parental. This post could be repeated every year on Mother’s Day. I really love your bottom line section. They are wonderful words!

    Liked by 2 people

      YellowCable said:
      May 14, 2017 at 9:13 AM

      I forgot to say.. Happy Mother’s Day!

      Liked by 1 person

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      May 14, 2017 at 9:32 AM

      Awe, thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it and read it. As it was long. 😊 Hope that you have a great Mother’s Day if you are one! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    Sharon, Leadership2Mommyship said:
    May 14, 2017 at 4:06 PM

    Sonyo a wonderful message here. And you’re right, the quality of time with your kids matter–not that you’re with them all day. Happy Mother’s Day!

    Liked by 2 people

    1Wise-Woman said:
    May 14, 2017 at 5:47 PM

    Great post and beautiful picture of you and your daughter. It was definitely difficult for me growing up… but as an adult, I understand that my mother carried her own burdens and understand why she made the choices she did (to stay with an emotionally and physically abusive husband, my father). I can’t say I’m glad about the things I learned once I became a parent, but my childhood experiences helped me become a better parent and a better, stronger woman. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      May 14, 2017 at 6:01 PM

      I can completely understand and empathize. Indeed our childhood can either make us or break us. I also used to work with women who were recovering from drugs and alcohol. I can say that many had a bad childhood and turned to hard drugs or worse. We can either decide to let trauma break us and rob us of our lives or we can choose to use it as fuel to make us better humans. We can choose to break the cycle and I’m glad that you have done just that. I applaud you. Have a fantastic Mother’s Day! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

        1Wise-Woman said:
        May 14, 2017 at 6:28 PM

        Thank you! I feel that I have done exactly that. Happy Mother’s Day to you too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    johncoyote said:
    May 14, 2017 at 6:39 PM

    Beautiful photos and true words. Happy Mother’s day.

    Liked by 3 people

    da-AL said:
    May 14, 2017 at 9:54 PM

    so cute! happy mom’s day every day of the year 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Rayne said:
    May 14, 2017 at 10:10 PM

    This is so beautiful. Happy belated mothers day. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    AlifyaLifestyle said:
    May 16, 2017 at 1:28 PM

    Such a beautiful post!! Not a mother yet but greatly wish to be one someday! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      May 16, 2017 at 4:50 PM

      Awe….I hope that you have your baby one day too! It took me forever! I didn’t have her until I was 38!

      Like

    Colors of my life said:
    May 19, 2017 at 10:12 PM

    Beautiful post..

    Like

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