The details get washed by our fast paced lives until days go by in a blur and everything in them fades into long sleepless nights. Insomnia draws out my days and forces me to struggle awake after my mind has finally shut down. But, I try to stop and see the details in the smallest things, to pause and ingest sheer beauty.
Still, the struggle is in slowing down, to find out that maybe I’m running from the silence that I admittedly despise. It’s like we want to be distracted and numbed long enough to escape from the long-awaited, uncomfortable pause.
Why must we be so busy? Because it’s easier than sitting still and just being. I do not like to sit still and just be, to accept the moment the way that it is and to be aware of all the details in present tense. Our minds are wired to go inward and backward, to get stuck in yesterday and to overlook the beauty in the tiniest details of today.
Past tense is not a way to live. It leaves you longing for answers and yearning for a time machine to take us back. But we can’t change our flashbacks, and as characters in our own story, our past has made us who we are at this very moment.
So, although it is hard some days to stop all the noise…I should, you should…we all should embrace the quiet.
Stop and see the details…the beauty. Know that if we keep falling backwards in time, we can’t see and appreciate what is right in front of us.
There’s nothing like living in this very moment.
After all, we are not victims of circumstance, but survivors of our own personal story.
One step at a time
I will make it to the top
A little each day
Our deep need to love and to be loved is romanticized through songs, movies, and books. We take chances, get our hearts broken, sometimes get disappointed, and in the end discover we’re all imperfect. The same goes for love. Read the rest of this entry »
You do not complete me
I accept you, you accept me
we accept each other
You do not complete me
I accent you, you accent me
we are strong and weak
You do not complete me
I am whole, you are whole
we can only complete ourselves
Sometimes depression speaks to me through resounding voices that ask me what the hell am I doing all this for. Then, I find myself consumed with feeling absurd, that perhaps stringing words together is nothing more than a waste of time. The writer inside yearns for continuous approval, and removing denial from the equation exposes my weakness, that I am too delicate and too easily broken. Read the rest of this entry »
We look out in search for resolve
Disguising today with yesterday
Stuck replaying stupid mistakes
Until right now is the only place
Ignore this moment will dissolve
Regret finds a day to replay again
Moving beyond cold superficiality
Finding love and joy to be internal
Hold you against me
Closing my eyes to your breath
Small life in my arms
One half piece of me in you
Swallowed up by sleep
You are safe from the outside
Baby, be at peace
I would die to keep you safe
Fuchsia life overcomes me
Laving in your excellence, I cradle splendor in my hand
Overwhelmed by the conviction in the air
We sit in silence holding on to hope, holding onto each other
Excising oppressive clouds, the sun showers its approval
Releasing you at last, to let you live out your beauty
You’ll be a terrible mother, you said
You’ll never be wanted by anyone, you said
You’ll be another pathetic divorced wife, you said
You’ll never be a real writer, you said
You’ll amount to nothing, you said
You’ll be sorry when I leave you, you said
You’ll never be good enough, you said
You’ll always be crazy, you said
You’ll never be happy, you said
Guess what…you were wrong
There are temporary situations, uncomfortable and frustrating, but they are temporary, nonetheless. I think we can all be too reactive and impatient; we want immediate results when it comes to anything and everything. But, mostly, we don’t want to hurt. Read the rest of this entry »
On January 4, 2017, a senior citizen who is definitely retired set an inspirational record. He biked 14 miles in one hour. This measly 14 miles in an hour is considered beginner’s speed by a livestrong.com article. Not to mention, 14 miles on a bike in one hour is a snail pace compared to Denise Mueller of San Diego, who is the world’s fastest female bicyclist. Read the rest of this entry »
The New Year brings out the manic in all of us; at least I can speak for myself, anyway. It’s not like I’m not already prone to a little OCD…well, I’m actually more than a little OCD.
Every year we get a chance to kick ourselves in the ass and broadcast to our friends and loved ones all the things we have on our to-do list during the coming year. One of my manic goals is that I plan on posting a blog every day, which isn’t such a bad thing ex Read the rest of this entry »
My dark-comedy novel has a voice similar to “This is Where I Leave You” by Jonathan Tropper and “Silver Lining Playbook” by Matthew Quick. I recently gave a shout out on Twitter to Matthew Quick, as he’s got a new book coming out in July, “The Reason You’re Alive” and he liked it! Read the rest of this entry »
Insomnia has been one of the most challenging aspects of my life, but I manage with the right medication. Depression is the second most challenging fight. And currently, I’m winning. But, on the sleep front, the battle is ongoing. It’s already taken a few trial and error rounds with my doctor in order to treat my chronic insomnia and to find the right medication that works. Read the rest of this entry »
Microblogging makes life super simple for those of us who find it challenging to post 300 words or more on a daily basis. Some bloggers choose to post two to three articles every day. They make it a habit, no matter if there is an earthquake, tornado, snowstorm, monsoon, or a death in the family. Read the rest of this entry »
This post isn’t about forgiving someone who is currently in your life. It’s specifically about forgiving people you no longer have contact with.
It’s easy to be happy for a friend or a loved one, or anyone who has been supportive and caring towards you. But, can you be happy for someone who has hurt you? Can you be happy for those who still haunt your soul?
How many ghosts do you have? I have a few that haunt me. They linger around whenever I am trying to live in the present, until they’ve successfully dragged me back into the land of the past. Read the rest of this entry »
I have always been drawn to “different” because I never felt like I fit any traditional mold. From my ethnicity, to my ambitions, to the way I was raised, I’ve never felt like I truly fit in anywhere. Perhaps, at times, I’m socially awkward for the reasons of knowing I am not like anybody else. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s not easy to release the unnecessary baggage you’ve been carrying around with you all this time unless you know to how to catch yourself holding onto it.
The past is the hardest thing to rid ourselves of, mostly because we don’t realize that it is weighing us down. Or we have become addicted to the pull. I’m one of those people. But on Oct. 10, I turned one year older, and hopefully I am also one year wiser. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m a bit of a news junkie; I guess there are worse addictions. So, as you can imagine every four years the elections is likened to what the Super Bowl is to a sports fanatic. I saw my therapist yesterday and she said she’s never seen so many patients who are overly passionate, even emotional over this election cycle. Now, I wasn’t really pontificating on politics but I briefly mentioned an encounter I had with some Twitter users. Read the rest of this entry »
Do you cut yourself too much slack? It’s okay to let yourself splurge sometimes; you don’t need to be so hard on yourself, of course. But, being too lax can end up negatively affecting you down the road.
The interesting thing about consequences is that they don’t always show up immediately. If you are too easy on yourself in high school, you kick yourself when it’s time to get into a decent college. If you party too much during college, then you find yourself floating aimlessly after you graduate. That’s if you graduate. Read the rest of this entry »
Life is certainly too short to live our lives affected by other people’s decisions. That’s why we have to reach a point of focusing on our own choices and how we can better live our lives. We only have control over ourselves, but certainly people do affect us with their stubborn refusal to negotiate. When dealing with inflexible people, sometimes the only thing to do is to get up and walk away. This is as true in business and as it is in most areas of our lives. Read the rest of this entry »
Early this morning on my way to the gym, I saw a disheveled homeless man convincingly arguing with a phantom antagonist. He was waving his hands in the air to emphasize an imperative point.
We call people like this homeless man crazy, but I wonder how much of his insanity stems from isolation and the need for positive connection. I wonder how many of us dog lovers have better conversations with our four-legged friends than with humans. I wonder if like this homeless man, we are all craving a little conversation and are willing to argue with ourselves just to feel the rise of human emotion, reminding us we’re still alive. Read the rest of this entry »
I started to clean house and didn’t expect to achieve a therapeutic result, but I did. The reality TV shows Hoarders made collecting clutter a serious situation, bringing awareness that hoarding and disorganized chaos piling in the home is often a reflection of mental wellness or lack thereof.  Read the rest of this entry »
Love Is More Than Just Words
The one thing I’ve learned in my travels, having lived all over the United States, is how easy it is for people to come and go in your life. Those who remain in our lives for the long haul are meant to be a part of it. Their love is demonstrated through their actions and not just their words. Read the rest of this entry »
There are many things we have little control over, most importantly we have little control over others and circumstances. How are you thinking? What are your thoughts telling you? What do you say to yourself every day that does not help you to be the best you? Read the rest of this entry »
Insomnia = Depression?
I have always been a night owl. Without fail, I’d stay up way too late and often not by choice. Insomnia has been a big part of most, if not, all of my life. People who can just fall asleep with ease have always baffled me. I mean, they lie down and within 5 minutes or less they’re totally OUT! I have no idea what that feels like and have a doctor’s prescribed medication that helps me fall asleep at night. Those of us with true chronic and life long insomnia can wake up at 5 am, run a marathon, remain busy from morning until night, maybe even solve all the world’s problems and still can’t fall asleep at night. Read the rest of this entry »
Benefits of Kale
I spoke to a doctor once and not in some office setting, but at the sauna of all places at the gym. The doctor was not a proponent of medication, but claimed if people ate what they were supposed to eat and took care of their bodies, they wouldn’t need to be medicated. Read the rest of this entry »
I was recently interviewed on the podcast Upside Downtrodden (Scott Mullin and Sean Namanny) on the important subject of healthcare. That’s right, someone actually found me via lilpickmeup and actually asked for an interview?!?! Now, realize I am not a self-help expert. Quite the contrary; I am just like you trying to figure my way through this thing called “life.” While many of you were blessed to be born with the “happy gene,” others like me do their best to manage their happiness and contentment, taking them one day at a time. Read the rest of this entry »
Motivation is a muscle, just like obtaining positive vibrations when you don’t necessarily feel it. Emotions can be deceiving. Feelings can be manipulative. You hear the phrase “think positive” or “stay positive” yet what most people don’t realize is that being positive is a muscle. Our positive muscle requires exercise daily but that equally requires motivation, inspiration and most importantly energy. Read the rest of this entry »
Drained is the only word that describes my current state. And no, I’m not going to blame it on daylight savings. I am searching for momentum, but each day I’ve found myself struggling to find the energy. It’s taken all of me to be a present mother living in the moment with my daughter. So unfortunately, I’m not an everyday blogger. I used to be and then I created a very active little human that requires a lot of attention. My daughter is priority. Managing my time is not a matter of discipline, but a matter of energy. Read the rest of this entry »
In the 21st Century we as a country are far behind others when it comes to discrimination against not just skin color but also age and sex. Out of all the social issues facing our country, I want to discuss unequal pay as well as unhealthy work environments that are tainted by sexual harassment, verbal abuse, and intimidation and bullying.1 Why? Women are deemed to be “easy” targets. Read the rest of this entry »
I am exhausted. I was told that once a baby reaches the three-month threshold that they become easier to manage. After passing the three-month mark, you are supposedly able to get decent rest. When having a new kid, the one thing new parents want more than anything other than to know their child is safe and developing correctly is sleep, which suddenly is hard to come by. Read the rest of this entry »
Only a few days into 2016, most of us have recently emerged from the excess of the holiday season and are inspired to improve ourselves in mind, body and spirit. But are we prepared for the reality, when it comes, that self-improvement means changing the dynamics that are fundamentally rooted within the basic blueprint that makes us who we are?
How do we change what we’ve been led to believe all our lives? The parents and extended family we were automatically linked to at birth as well as all other daily interactions with friends, co-workers, neighbors and strangers that fall outside of our control are what we battle against daily. So what can we control? How each of us deal with these forces. Read the rest of this entry »
My delay in posting a blog lately has been directly related to a couple of family members being recently admitted into the ICU. It’s been a challenge to focus on writing when my mind has been consumed with a concern for their wellbeing. Luckily, one is recovering well but the other remains in the hospital as I type.
Aside from being mentally distracted, the holidays have gotten in the way and then there’s this “new mom” thing. Read the rest of this entry »
We hope to become more than we are because stagnancy is a recipe for momentum lost. But change is often the one thing we fight against. We’re afraid to admit that there are weaknesses that can be improved upon; otherwise, our ego takes over and convinces us that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. And maybe this is true, but the history of Earth is the story of evolving. Read the rest of this entry »
Silence is not always the easiest thing to experience. Who wants to sit through nothingness and void? We are often bombarded by noise. It’s all around us. It’s in our technology: Smart phones, tablets, laptops, computers, television, radio, music. There is noise everywhere. And where there are coffee shops, we are sure to have caffeinated humanoids who are overly chatty and overly boisterous. Noise feels like energy; it resonates as if life is riveting through us. This is why many of us feel the need to go to coffee houses or bookstores to do work. Silence feels like isolation, and this is why some of us crave crowds and the noise that comes with it. Read the rest of this entry »
Rejection is the most powerful human emotion. Without a doubt, it is a universal experience that, it’s safe to say, everyone hopes to avoid. Personally, I believe everyone has a deep desire to be accepted.
Acceptance is the driving force behind everyone’s human need to love and to be loved. Without the acceptance from peers, friends or family, feelings of rejection often result as does the seeking of vengeance. In our generation of gun violence and school shootings, most of the deadly news headlines have resulted from the same recycled cause. Read the rest of this entry »