There is never a better chance to truly understand yourself than when you are being ultra-critical about someone else. Both joy and anger are two emotions that can be easily impacted for better or worse. Think about it. Have you ever been elated at having such a marvelous day that you tell yourself there is absolutely nothing that can ruin your mood? Or, conversely, you are having the worst day of your life. You are so angry, there is nothing on earth that can take away the wrath you feel in your heart.
What if on your happiest day you receive news that a friend you lent your brand new car to was in an accident? Or you come home and find out you’ve been robbed? Your home and possession are not insured, so although you file a police report you cannot salvage the loss.
Say on your worst day ever, I mean everything that can possibly go wrong has; you get a phone call from a leading company in your industry, one of the largest and most successful that you’ve always admired. They offer your dream job with a big salary bump, bonus structure and ultra lux vacation and benefits package that is superior to any company you know of?
In either situation, it’s quite easy to change one’s mood in an instant. Our emotions are that fickle, and not all feelings ought to be trusted. But, it’s true that our words hold immense amount of power. Is there someone you have harshly criticized? Have you been the victim of a tongue-lashing? Yes, in both cases.
Let’s say you are 100 percent in the right on everything, or mostly everything, you are saying about or to another person. How often do you find yourself saying such things? A flaw that you find in the meal you are eating, the way your clothes fit, the type of service your hairstylist is providing, and the terrible service onboard the flight, even though you are in first class?
There are flawed businesses, flawed management practices, flawed health care plans, flawed politics, flawed youth, flawed parenting, flawed society and flawed religions because humans are flawed, as well. Flaws are all around you. There are so many.
Only in the moments immediately after birth are all new living things absolutely perfect. It’s all downhill from there. So, if you are searching for perfection, stop it. There is no such thing, regardless of how a new love might feel, how your relationship might compare as it is so much better than your previous one. Right? This new person is so utterly “perfect.” And then one, two, three or more years go by.
The honeymoon phase has long passed. Your perfect dream man has hair growing in places that should be considered abominable. Now your guy not only has a pooch, but a belly that makes him look pregnant, his hand is down his pants, adjusting, scratching, absently fondling his male parts à la “Homer Simpson.”
For a guy, you can’t remember the last time your dream girl actually shaved. She’s a little more hairy than you’d like her to be. You lie and tell your friends, who comment about her armpit hair, that she’s European. They could have sworn the two of you told them she was born and raised in New York, hence the accent. “No, no…” you protest laughing nervously and continuing to insist she is European.
Your girlfriend or wife also farts way too much. She’s done the silent and deadly ones around friends; you always blamed it on others, at least in the beginning. Now she throws out the loud, explosive ones, the staccato pellet ones and the unforgettable squeaky ones— you thought women never farted. That’s what your father told you, anyway, as did your mother.
You really believed it your entire life. Now, you realize that you were sooo lied to. You’ve never met a more gaseous woman, and dear GOD she snores louder than you. It’s like a freight train blaring in your ears. You’ve got earplugs in and a pillow over your head. You’ve tried headphones but the wires get all over the place.
You’ve plugged her nose, rolled her over on her side, used stupid nasal strips and nothing helps. No sex tonight, either. She didn’t feel like it. She’s not sick; she’s just feeling a little “blah” as she put it, before throwing out another stink bomb. “Oops,” she giggles, and then she’s out like she ran a marathon. She snores you out of the room once again. Damn, another night on the bloody couch. You’re wide-awake and uncomfortable: tired, horny, and too frustrated to do anything about it. But, you could always snack on something…
You thought you were perfect and discovered your partner most certainly was not. That’s why you figured the grass was greener and divorced your first wife for another, better woman with upgrades. Maybe you are the “grass is greener” type of person. Of course, we can all find someone else better than us. Right now at this very instance in this world, there is someone better at your chosen career.
Right now there is someone with your dimensions, height, ethnicity, age that is better looking than you and in better shape. There is someone at your peer level, your equal that is smarter than you, too. There is someone sweeter than you. There is someone more loving, more sexual, more financially stable, more balanced, and with a better sense of self, and someone more selfless. There is someone out there right now who is and will be a better father and mother than you. They will not make the mistakes that you have or will.
If you think about it, everyone can have an “out with the old, in with the new” attitude. Any company can equally treat their employees as if they are dispensable. All of us can have a “people are disposable” type of mentality. Because it is an absolute fact that there is someone out there better than you are. Period. In every area of life, pick an area: spiritual, mental, physical, financial, education, attractiveness, ambition, and etc. Some one out there is better. Therefore, we all have an opportunity to throw someone away. Especially if you’re the entitled type that thinks you are perfect and in constant search for perfection. If this is you, you are likely an A-personality type, one with leadership skills and one that enjoys appearing perfect amongst co-workers, peers or even other companies. You flaunt your sincerity, but really you are always judging and sizing up everyone. You are hypercritical and always searching for the greener grass. But after a while that grass loses it’s lush. You find in the very end that the same fundamental problems and issues you’ve carried around in other relationships haven’t gone anywhere. If anything they’ve gotten worse.
Fundamental corporate problems of climate and management do not get solved assuming it’s someone else’s problem. When you are always criticizing others. When you treat people like they are disposable. When you have an “Out with the old and in with the new” perspective with employees or people in your personal life. When you think that the problem isn’t an internal one, but an external one. You might find temporary happiness or temporary solutions, a Band-Aide to cover up the real problems. Instead of seeing everything, everyone, and the world through a magnifying glass.
Try putting that magnifying glass down and try picking up a mirror. Have you ever considered in all your “perfection” that the real problem is you?