Writing With Hope

The Value of True & Honest Friends

Posted on July 24, 2014 Updated on July 24, 2014

True friendships are hard to come by and the ones that really are your friends will be honest with you. If you have someone in your life that can be brutally blunt with you, then count yourself lucky.

Some friends come across as always happy. They’re all smiles and they’re always complimenting everyone. If you’re the type that will sometimes criticize yourself, the overtly nice friend will be the one to tell you that you’re being ridiculous and your criticism of yourself is simply not true. But, what if it is? Sometimes people really enjoy surrounding themselves with “yes” people. It’s almost like having your own little posse, an entourage. They’re always giving you such wonderful compliments.

You’re hair always looks so good; what on Earth did you to it because it looks sooo shiny? (Forget that you didn’t even comb or wash it and it even looks like you’ve got dreadlocks forming.) And wow, you didn’t gain a single pound. They’ve even pointed out that you actually look thinner. (Even though you’ve been surviving on donuts for breakfast and pizza for dinner this past month.) And the only exercise you’ve done is getting off the couch to grab another slice.

While ego-flattering friends are great to have, especially if you’re in need of a self-esteem boost it’s counter-productive in the long run. You don’t want “yes” people to feed you lies and tell you all the BS that you want to hear. If you really wish to grow, change, and be successful in life it takes real friends to be straight with you. No BS. No fluffy words. No beating around the bush. If you are gaining a lot of weight, the last thing you need is someone encouraging you to eat more, especially if you are looking to drop a few pounds. Unless you have an eating disorder where you actually could use to put on some pounds most people don’t look to gain weight. If you’re buddy notices that you are drowning your sorrows in a bottle of wine every night, a true friend will not encourage you to have another glass. Instead, they’ll point out to you that you’ve been drinking a little too much and maybe it’s time to get some help.

It’s like that unforgettable Jack Nicholson line in A Few Good Men, “You can’t handle the truth.”

Can you handle the truth? Some people really can’t handle the truth. Some people choose to live a lie, surround themselves with “yes” people who tell them everything they want to hear. But, living a lie is not living in reality. The BS fantasy you create for yourself will only come crashing down one day and, regardless, you’ll eventually have to face your demons. Facing the truth and being sincere with yourself is the best thing you can ever do, even though being upfront and direct might be a tad painful. You can’t possibly learn how to succeed without facing where you’ve failed. It’s okay. Pick yourself back up and start again.

Value the real friends who will always be honest with you, no matter how much it might hurt. Better to live with integrity then live in a distorted version of the truth. Once you’ve faced reality you can start finding solutions. Don’t stay in the negativity of what went wrong or the reality that might be painful now. Facing the truth and being honest with yourself is the first step. But, after that, it’s time to move on. Be pro-active and start being solution-oriented.

Remember, that if it hurts now it’s better to face the pain and confront your situation than to live in a fictional world that will eventually come crumbling down. Because living a lie is not really living, no matter how much you try to convince yourself. Living a lie only leads to failure. If you wish to succeed you will surround yourself with friends that have your best interest at heart, rather than those that are merely there to service your ego.