21st Century Breakups & Divorces Are Harder With Social Media

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The Internet not only has changed the landscape of marketing and content distribution but also, obviously, our personal lives. Breakups and divorces will never be the same now that social media plays such a huge role in our lives. This brings me to a great movie that I’m ashamed to admit I finally got around to watching. While this isn’t a review of Girl on a Train, one particular scene plays right into this article’s thesis. I’m not going to give away the movie, but the main character Rachel’s difficulty in coming to terms with her ex-husband moving on is captured perfectly as she tracks his life on Facebook.

She tears up as she sees a post of her ex-husband with his new wife and their brand new baby girl. I mean, if anyone has been through a bad breakup or a divorce and you think you can handle watching Girl on a Train it’s definitely the movie to watch. It captures repeated attempts to numb the pain amid the endless swirl of old memories that circle the drain of haunting self-sabotage. No one goes into a marriage saying, “I can’t wait until I divorce you one day.” Who doesn’t go into a marriage with the best intentions?

And as much as I love social media and am pretty good at it, as I’ve been hired in the past to manage social media accounts; I still find myself missing the days when social media wasn’t around. I mean, if you think about it, what would a breakup or a divorce look like without social media or the Internet for that matter? In the pre-Internet and pre-social media days, you could get a divorce or breakup with someone and that’s it. There was no “looking them up” or snooping through social media accounts to see what they are up to or reading their blogs. You know what I mean?


The Bottom Line:

It’s much harder to go through a breakup or a divorce in the 21st century because of everyone’s digital footprint. Having said this, I have been guilty of digging, only to find that it is hurtful to one person: Me. If you are going through a separation, breakup, or divorce do yourself a HUGE favor…don’t look up your ex. If they blocked you on Facebook, don’t use someone else’s account to snoop on them. Don’t “Google” them. It’s tempting to want to see what they are up to, but trust me you don’t want to know.

The past is meant to be left in the past. There’s a road ahead and in this digital age sometimes it’s hard to see it when there are reminders of baggage you left behind. Relationships are hard enough. So is life in general. We don’t need social media to increase the challenges we face everyday. In this 21st century, moving on from a breakup or a divorce means banning yourself from looking up your past on social media.



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22 thoughts on “21st Century Breakups & Divorces Are Harder With Social Media

    jennylynnangelo said:
    March 6, 2017 at 10:33 AM

    Oh dear, I am old enough to remember the days when social media or the Internet for that matter wasn’t around. Divorces or breakups are much harder to deal with these days. I do miss the days when the Internet or social media wasn’t around. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 6, 2017 at 10:36 AM

      I agree with you Jenny. Now days, generation X, Y, and now Z don’t know anything but social media and can’t imagine life without the Internet. It seems “looking up” your ex is common practice, but not wise because in the end we only hurt ourselves. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    realryangray said:
    March 6, 2017 at 12:07 PM

    With social media you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. On one hand so much business is conducted on these sights and if you’re not on them branding your products, your business, yourself then you are considered to be antiquated. It can also be a great tool for personal communication, especially when trying stay in touch with people far away. But it requires a lot of time to stay on top of all your friends’ and family members’ posts. I’m busy all day at work and then later at home that often I often don’t have the time or energy to spend hours on people’s timelines and responding to their posts. I’ve actually had people unfriend me for no other reason than I don’t post enough on my own timeline or I don’t interact with them enough on theirs. Plus, you hit the nail on the head that social media makes it far too easy to stalk people, or for them to stalk you.

    Liked by 2 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 6, 2017 at 12:53 PM

      Ryan, you are dead on about social media being a necessity for businesses. Now days it’s a must! But it is way too easy to cyber stalk old flames or friends in general, just to be nosy. Social media definitely encourages us to be nosy.

      Liked by 1 person

    Erika said:
    March 6, 2017 at 12:17 PM

    That movie sounds interesting. I think advising people to stay off their ex’s page is great advice. I know a few who snoop and it doesn’t help a bit.

    Liked by 2 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 6, 2017 at 12:45 PM

      Yeah, I’ve known many to snoop and it always ends terribly. You feel much worse after you know what they are up to. In general social media sort of encourages snooping, but it also encourages self promotion, which is what we are all entitled to do. Still, I find using social media in general requires a lot of discipline otherwise it can suck up all your time. 😬

      Liked by 2 people

    Tessa said:
    March 6, 2017 at 5:21 PM

    This is so true. I find myself checking him out occasionally, but I can’t get away from him completely as we have children together. It is less now that they are all grown adults, but the grandchildren come into play. Several times a year I see him (and her) and until now I felt revulsion, but now that I have forgiven him things feel different. I find myself wanting his attention and for her to go away.

    Liked by 2 people

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 6, 2017 at 5:49 PM

      I get what you mean, I had 1 divorce but we didn’t have kids if we had, I think it would have been much harder. But we had dogs together, he just ended up getting a new woman and a new dog. It sucks looking back at why things fail. I am now remarried with a daughter and the same 2 dogs. Still once in a while the past creeps up and says “you should see what ‘so and so’ is up to.” I think it’s a temptation because of social media and it’s the kind of unnecessary curiosity that we should all stay clear from. Nothing can be gained by looking backwards. In your case it’s much harder when you are joined via children.

      Liked by 2 people

        Tessa said:
        March 7, 2017 at 4:32 PM

        Yes we will always be joined due to family.

        Liked by 1 person

    Daria Kill said:
    March 6, 2017 at 5:49 PM

    Yes. It’s always the person looking who gets hurt.
    Or, don’t ask the question if you don’t want to hear the answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    jacquelineobyikocha said:
    March 6, 2017 at 7:15 PM

    I believe all the living it out there doesn’t help much and I’ve even witnessed social media driving wedges of separation deeper between couples. I’ve read and watched The girl on the train. Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 6, 2017 at 7:18 PM

      Oh, I haven’t read the book yet but now I really want to. It’s a great movie! I bet the book is even better!!!

      Like

    stacilys said:
    March 7, 2017 at 10:28 AM

    Hi Sonyo, it’s amazing to me to think about how much social media and the internet has changed the world on a sociological level. All in very short span of time. There is no way we would be able to go back to the way, ‘things used to be’. I myself have ‘stalked’ or ‘spied’ on past relationships in FB, but nothing that was fresh or that would hurt me in any way. I think it is very dangerous to one’s well-being to be spying through social media networks. It’s like digging up a grave. It stinks and can be very ugly. Ugh.
    Great article. I’ve never seen that movie before. Maybe I should see if it’s on Netflix.
    Have a great rest of the week.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      Sonyo Estavillo responded:
      March 7, 2017 at 11:45 AM

      Staci, you bring up a great point about digging up a grave, because that’s essentially what it is like. And you’re right social media dramatically altered the landscape of the way we communicate, distribute, and digitally virally market content today. It did happen in such a short time, that it’s mind boggling.

      You would like “Girl on a Train” it’s a fantastic movie! It’s not on Netflix yet, but you can rent it for like $1.50 at Redbox! Hope you have a great week as well!!! 😁

      Liked by 1 person

        stacilys said:
        March 7, 2017 at 11:49 AM

        Oh great. I have never heard of Redox. I’ll have to check it out.
        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        Sonyo Estavillo responded:
        March 7, 2017 at 12:02 PM

        Really? There’s a Redbox at most Von’s, Ralph’s & Wal-Mart locations!

        Liked by 1 person

        stacilys said:
        March 9, 2017 at 9:37 AM

        Ohhhhh, I live in Brazil. Brazil doesn’t seem to have Redbox. Even at Walmart.
        🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        Sonyo Estavillo responded:
        March 9, 2017 at 9:39 AM

        Oh, yeah if you live in Brazil they don’t have it. Sorry, I thought you were in the U.S. 😋

        Liked by 1 person

        stacilys said:
        March 9, 2017 at 9:44 AM

        haha, no problem.
        🙂

        Like

    Maggie said:
    March 11, 2017 at 10:34 AM

    I definitely agree; so many aspects of life were easier before the internet. I have gone searching for friends I am no longer in contact with, and it doesn’t help me at all to read up on what’s going on in their life; it just makes letting that friendship go even harder.

    Like

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