I Will Be Happy When__________________.
I can’t begin to tell you how often I have played this game. You know, “the happiness game” where I become fixated on this “major” situation that may or may not be so serious. But it is to me at the time, and if only I can accomplish the goal or avoid the calamity then I’ll be sooo happy.
Have you ever had a “major” thing, be it a goal, desire or wish that you fantasized and dreamed about daily, even to the point of obsession?
I bet that with enough sweat, hard work and tenacity you reached that major goal just like I have. Maybe you bathed in euphoria afterward, but how long did the high last?
According to psychological research, there’s a name to the drop off in happiness after having achieved or reached your coveted goal. The phenomenon is called hedonic adaptation and it’s essentially when we adapt to whatever it is we’ve achieved regardless of how grand the result. In fact, the idea is you return back to the same emotional state before your big reward. Read the rest of this entry »
The Joy of Being vs. Doing
I need to keep busy and often. If I have too much time on my hands, then I feel like something is wrong and my day feels wasted. For many of us, what we don’t realize is that we’re filled with distractions, ones that can mostly be blamed on ourselves. We usually create distractions for ourselves because often times it’s better than facing what the silence might reveal to us.
For a very long time I needed to keep so busy that working 65-75 hours a week was not only tolerable, but eventually became the norm and the only thing that made me feel satisfied. Once you set a really high bar for yourself and you’re able to somewhat clear it, then nothing below this extraordinarily high standard computes to success. Why is it wrong to have out-of-this-world, ridiculous standards for yourself? Because it not only affects you, it becomes the standard you place on everyone else. It’s not always obvious that you are actually projecting your impossible standards on others because you’re doing so subconsciously. If you’re reflective enough you might catch yourself doing it, or if your fortunate enough a good friend will pull you aside to explain what you can’t see. Read the rest of this entry »
Think-Change: Five Things to Stop Doing to Create a Better You
Did you know that scientific research found that the brain doesn’t fully develop – especially your prefrontal cortex, the problem solving part of your brain – until your mid-20s?
However, a neuroscientist Sarah-Jayne Blakemore at the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience at University College, London explained in a 2010 PhysOrg.com article that the brain continues to change shape well into your 30s and 40s. In fact, the prefrontal cortex of our brain takes the longest to develop and is the key area in charge of high cognitive functions: planning, decision making, social behavior, social awareness, emotional intelligence, and various personality traits.
So, when we are told to “grow up” and “get with the program” or “stop being so immature,” technically we can blame it on our brain development or lack there of. What does this have to do with the direction of our lives, especially now that we’re in the New Year and everyone is claiming 2015 as a better year for them? Everything. Read the rest of this entry »
The Power of Surrender
Surrender seems like an ethereal concept, one that takes more than power of will to remove the ego and to just let go. When stubbornness gets in the way of true change, we find that we’re stuck with old software uploaded into the most complex computer on earth — our brains.
We desire to improve but are often in the way of our own progress because unconsciously we continue to trigger emotions that reinforce negative childhood experiences, hold onto outdated beliefs and recreate negative behaviors, those of which we were taught long ago. We haven’t found a way to uninstall the old software and reprogram our brain with new, improved and healthier software that we’ve personally designed. It is not based upon forced ideals from circumstances, environment or society.
If we could only comprehend how much power we have over the results we wish to see in our lives, we’d stop doubting our capabilities and value the power we hold within us. It goes way beyond the overused concept of “self-esteem” and having “self confidence.” Plenty of successful people have confidence, but they lack the capability to expand outside of their box and welcome change regardless of how flawless their lives appear to be or what they’ve gained externally and the versions of themselves that they flaunt. Everyone today can create a social media profile, one that allows for a perfectly catered exterior and tastefully chosen posts in order to boast and throw up the illusion of an unblemished life. Read the rest of this entry »
Merry Christmas, Ramadan, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Tet, Festivus…in otherwords HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I just discovered this YouTube video Can we make jingle bells and thought it was not only fun, but fitting. I hope everyone enjoys this holiday with loved ones regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof.
Writing With Hope 